July 21, 2009

"GIRLFRIEND" BEGINS INTERWEBS ROMANCE WITH MYSTERIOUS FELINE (Pictured Above) ON "PLENTY OF BIRDIES.COM"...
What follows is a Messenger conversation intercepted by the Interwebs Security Division of Clooney Credit Canada (AKA Cloon)...


Hummingbird ("Girlfriend's Messenger Handle): Oh, dear...I'm rather inexperienced at this...

Seagull (Handle of Mysterious Feline): Don't worry Kitten, I'll take you under my paw...

Hummingbird: Well, on your profile, you said you really liked birdies... Is this true?

Seagull: Absolutely! I likes to sit real still likes a statue and observes them...

Hummingbird: Wow, I've never given that a try... Do you make that "special noise" when you observe them?

Seagull: Well, when I'm in statue position, I only does the "silent meows"...But if I'm just doing a regular observation, I makes the "special noise"...

Hummingbird: Wow, that's fascinating! Do you have lots of windows to observe birdies from?

Seagull: I do in fact. It's a bird-lover's paradise over here... So, what are you wearing right now?

Hummingbird: Oh, dear, I'm not entirely comfortable with that question... Well, my fur coat, I guess...

Seagull: I live for num-nums. Do you have num-nums at your house?

Hummingbird: Yes, we do but I prefer the tuna. If my Human uses a can-opener on anything and I hear that air escaping the can, I come out of hiding...

Seagull: I gots an allergy to tuna. Do you have any kibbles in your bowl right now?

Hummingbird: Yes, I do. We have "free feed" over here at my house.

Seagull: Really? Is that a fact?... I thinks you may be my
soul-mate...When can I move in?

Hummingbird: Oh, dear...we just met...I think we're moving too fast...

Seagull: Come on kitten, live a little, will ya? All we have is today...

Hummingbird: Well, can you send me a better picture of yourself first, that one is a little dark...

Seagull: That's what you get from canine photographers...they'z not very skilled at using the right settings...Ok, I'll see what I can do here...Bye for now, my little Kitten...

Hummingbird: Bye Seagull...

July 17, 2009

CEO OF CLOONEY
CREDIT CANADA
PART 3 of 3-PART SERIES
ON THE ALTER EGOS OF
GEORGE CLOONEY
THE CAT...
Cloon's Human: Happy Birthday Cloon!!!
Cloon: When do I get the Num-Nums?
Cloon's Human: Uh, we have to do this interview first.
Cloon: Right. This is the first interview you've conducted on the blog.
Cloon's Human: Affirmative. Well, it's a very special occasion - your 3rd Birthday, so I decided to come out from behind the scenes. You look very handsome in your new dress shirt.
Cloon: When can I get out of this thing???
Cloon's Human: Very soon. Thanks for being such a great sport. Audience, just so you all know, Cloon never hisses, bites, whines etc. when I dress him up. He's such a good, patient, easy-going feline. (Occasionally, he runs off into his cat tunnel wearing the outfit.) So Cloon, here's the big question...Which alter ego is your favorite?
Cloon: CEO of course. It's a very natural role for me. I'z a businessman at heart.
Cloon's Human: What's the biggest challenge of being CEO of Clooney Credit Canada?
Cloon: Supervising all the Assembly Line Elves...Theese ones can go on strike at any moment...
Cloon's Human: Wow, sounds like lots of pressure. Believe me, I know what it's like to be in Management...How do you deal with the stress?
Cloon: You gives me some good organic catnip, remember?
Cloon's Human: Right. So what is the line-up of events at Headquarters today to celebrate your Birthday?
Cloon: We're shutting down production of the assembly line any minute now and having a party for the rest of the day. Mr. L and "The Baby" and the "Love Babies" are doing a special
A cappella performance for all the staff at Headquarters. It turns out that the "Love Babies" are very talented and have good singing voices and good moves...
Cloon's Human: Well how about that! That will come in handy. Did "Girlfriend" AKA Ms. Tortorovsky wish you a Happy Birthday?
Cloon: I gots groomed earlier today by her.
Cloon's Human: Can I give you a big smooch, you little stuffed animal?...
Cloon: How about a tummy rubs?
Cloon's Human: Deal.
BEFORE ENJOYING HIS BIRTHDAY FESTIVITIES, CLOON GETS INTO POSITION FOR A TUMMY RUB (HE LOVES THEESE ONES) AND THEN HEADS TO THE KITCHEN FOR NUM-NUMS AS PROMISED...
A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OUR BLOG FOLLOWERS...
HAVE A DRINK ON CLOON TODAY... (BUT DON'T LET HIM KNOW I TOLD YOU SO...HE'S RATHER PROTECTIVE OF HIS NUM-NUM FUND)

July 15, 2009



BOMB...
JAMES BOMB....
PART 2 of 3-PART SERIES ON THE ALTER EGOS OF GEORGE CLOONEY THE CAT
(BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND: CLOON IN ARGYLE... AS AGENT CCC 007)
"Girlfriend": Don't you look dashing Cloon.
Cloon: Well, I am James Bomb, so it does go with the territory...
"Girlfriend": So can you tell the Audience what CCC 007 stands for?
Cloon: Clooney Credit Canada 007.
"Girlfriend": Do you have alot of female feline groupies as a 007 Agent?
Cloon: Uh, yes I do...yes I do indeed. Theese ones are called Bomb Girls.
"Girlfriend": Do you like your martinis shaken or stirred?
Cloon: Stirred of course...with my very own paw...
"Girlfriend": Those are pretty cool sunglasses that you got there.
Cloon: Yes. Theese ones have special powers. I communicate directly to Headquarters through them and I can see num-nums from miles away...
"Girlfriend": Wow, that's excellent! Isn't it dangerous being a 007 Agent?
Cloon: Yes it can be, especially because I do all my own stunts.
"Girlfriend": Well you've had some good training for the role as you jump real high and take corners at a fast speed.
Cloon: Indeed.
"Girlfriend": Well thanks for your time Cloon. You must be very busy as a 007 Agent.
Cloon: Correct. My submarine is waiting. I'm off to carouse with my Bomb Girls... and blow some things up.
"Girlfriend": AUDIENCE TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR CLOON'S 3rd BIRTHDAY!

July 13, 2009

FELINE VOGUE PHOTO SHOOT FOR THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY

Feline Vogue magazine visited the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada to photograph "Girlfriend" - President of the Pink Nose Society...

FV: We applaud your efforts for saving the world "one pink nose at a time"...

"Girlfriend": Well thank you very much.

FV: How are your fundraising efforts going?

"Girlfriend": Very well. We surpassed our expectations with Phase 1 of our Fundraising with the Canada Day Dunk Tank Fundraiser.

FV: Can you tell us more about this?

"Girlfriend": Of course. The public admired the bravery of our little feline fan club member who volunteered to be dunked in the tank to raise money for our charity. There was an overwhelming response as felines, canines, and humans alike doled out the cashola to try to dunk this little one. Now alot of theese ones did not have good aim but our little volunteer did see a bit of "water action" when a family of bulldogs came on the scene.

FV: If I may ask, how much money did this event raise for the Pink Nose Society?

"Girlfriend": Well, usually I'm quite secretive about "funds" but this is all for a good cause... We raised $1000.

FV: What do you plan to do with this money?

"Girlfriend": Tim (the Secretary of the Society) and I plan on travelling to "The World Bird Sanctuary" in The United States of America where we will see rare birds and go on a bird-watching hike to identify songbirds. We will also make a charitable donation to this Sanctuary.

FV: That is very philanthropic of you.

"Girlfriend": Well that is part of the mission statement of our Society, to be involved in the conservation of birdies.

FV: Thank you for allowing us into Headquarters for this interview and photo shoot. Cloon was trying to sweet talk us into letting him into the magazine as well, but we only photograph girls. Good luck with your work with the Pink Nose Society. We will be donating 2 pairs of miniature binoculars to you for your bird-watching trip.

"Girlfriend": Wow, that is fantastic! Thanks for your publicity of our most important Society.

ANY MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC WISHING TO DONATE TO THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY PLEASE EMAIL THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY C/O clooneycreditcanada@gmail.com

July 11, 2009


"BOMBS DE LA RENTA"- ONE OF THE MANY ALTER EGOS OF GEORGE CLOONEY THE CAT - AKA "CLOON" (PART 1 OF A 3-PART SERIES)
"Girlfriend": Thanks for agreeing to this interview Cloon. Can you tell us the central characteristic of being "Bombs De La Renta"?
Cloon: I'm bad, real BAD....
"Girlfriend": Can you give us some specific details please?
Cloon: Well for starters, I'm obsessed with num-nums (in case that hasn't been clear to the Audience so far). Now the thing is I'll stop at nothing to get my Human to give me num-nums. To begin with I start a high-pitched chirp at the wee hours of the morn. If this doesn't get me attention, I start jumping onto high surfaces and moving the paintings on the walls back and forth in a swaying motion. Theese one is usually a good one to get some action going. If, however, my Human still does not respond, I chew metal and wood objects with my little teeth. If theese does not work, I run around like a madman, scurrying around the corners on the hardwood, crying and running through my cat tunnel which makes a "crinkly" noise. If there is still no action, I pull out all the stops and pull my Human's hair real hard at the roots or bite her nose, or a combination of both.
"Girlfriend": Wow, that is real BAD! How do you get away with this?
Cloon: I look like a stuffed animal so she ends up going easy on me.
"Girlfriend": What else makes up "The Bombs"?
Cloon: I like to box with my feline companion. Sometimes I bite her real hard and chase her.
"Girlfriend": But I always clean your clock, don't I?
Cloon: No comment.
"Girlfriend": Is there anything else you'd like us to know about "Bombs De La Renta"?
Cloon: I'm gangsta. I have a side business called "Cement Shoes".
"Girlfriend": Enlighten us, will ya?
Cloon: Well it goes like theese...Say you have theese person you know that hasn't been that nice to you. Well, I gets the shoe size of theese person and makes cement shoes for them. Then I invites them for a picnic down by the river. I asks them to try on the cement shoes. Then I takes a little walk with them along the river. Then I tells them to get a bit closer to the river bank. Then they "accidentally" falls in with their "cement shoes". And voila!...problem solved.
"Girlfriend": Now That's Buck!
Cloon: Well what can I say? That's how I roll...
"Girlfriend": Thanks for your time Cloon. I know you are a busy feline. AUDIENCE, PLEASE TUNE IN FOR THE NEXT PART IN CLOON'S SERIES...
Cloon: Peace out, Homie...


July 8, 2009

CLOON MOONLIGHTS AS SECURITY GUARD
FOR MS. TORTOROVSKY'S NEW ART EXHIBIT
Hello my fine little art enthusiasts! Since I am still on my campaign to get a Budgie, I decided to take a night job guarding the Buddha giclee, Ms. Tortorovsky's newest work of art. I need to get serious about saving my money for a Budgie cage, theese ones are expensive. I've eyed a few nice models which give Budgies lots of room to play and move around. I rather enjoy theese new position of authority. Ready, everyone for...

CLOON'S TOP 5 REASONS TO WORK THE NIGHT SHIFT:

5) I'Z NOCTURNAL SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET PAID FOR IT

4) I MULTITASK SO I GUARDS THE EXHIBIT AND WATCH MY HUMAN SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME

3) I WORKS BY MYSELF AND DON'T HAS TO SUPERVISE ELVES

2) I LIKES TO STARE AT THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

AND CLOON'S TOP REASON IS...

1) I GETS A PAID NUM-NUMS BREAK AT 3 AM

July 7, 2009


**11PM NEWSBREAK**


THE NATIONAL FELINE ENQUIRER BUYS PRIVATE PHOTOS OF "THE BABY", THE "LOVE BABIES" AND NANNY MISS STORMY FROM THE PAPARAZZI...

ALLEGATIONS OF "BAT"TERY ARE FLOODING THE INTERWEBS AS
NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE SHOWS "LOVE BABY" LIMON FALLING IN MID-AIR AS THE NANNY MISS STORMY LOOKS ON WITH A GUILTY PAW...

REGARDING THE "INCIDENT", POPULAR FELINE DEFENCE LAWYER
VLADIMIR "THE BOMB" DOSTOEVSKY HAS BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING "WELL FOLKS, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, IT'S A "KITTY CUZ" (CAT TOY) AFTER ALL"...

July 4, 2009

JULY 4TH CELEBRATIONS WITH "STAN THE WORLD'S SMALLEST SHEEP"


"STAN THE WORLD'S SMALLEST SHEEP" PARTICIPATES IN JULY 4TH TUG OF WAR CONTEST...

Joining Cloon via webcam is Stan on location in Washington, DC today for American Independence Day.

Cloon: Hola Muchacho!

Stan: Hola Cloon!

Cloon: How have you been little one? It's a long time since you were in-studio for an interview.

Stan: Stardom, has its price, what can I say?

Cloon: So what's been going on in your world?

Stan: I've been on an international tour circuit doing talk shows, mall appearances, country state fairs...

Cloon: Wow, Buddy! Good on ya. Have you cut back on the cerveza?

Stan: Yes, I'm sticking to Perrier now.

Cloon: Do you still eat leaves?

Stan: Of course. That's why I participate in tug of wars. The winner gets the leaves to eat.

Cloon: Is it crazy down there with the July 4th festivities?

Stan: You betcha. Theese ones know how to party!

Cloon: Well, nice talking with you little buddy. Good luck with the contests and enjoy the Fireworks tonite, I hear they're sensational.

Stan: Thanks Cloon. Yes, I'm a special guest of the President's this evening. I've got a prime spot to view the pyrotechnics from.

Cloon: Can you slip the President a flyer on the Clooneymobile please?

Stan: Will do Cloon, will do.

HAPPY 4th OF JULY TO ALL OUR AMERICAN FELINE FRIENDS!

July 3, 2009


NEWSBREAK
VON ICE
ENTERPRISES
HIRES NANNY
TO CARE FOR
"THE BABY'S"
SECRET
"LOVE BABIES"...
The interwebs is running amok with scandal...
Unidentified sources have alleged that a Nanny named "Miss Stormy" has been employed by Von Ice Enterprises to care for "The Baby's" secret "Babies" who had been dropped off in a basket at the front door of the Enterprises. Private Eye Von Ice was reportedly first on the scene where he sniffed the basket and its contents and deemed it safe to allow inside his Headquarters. The above photo was snapped by Paparazzi with a telephoto lens. It captures the new Nanny "Miss Stormy" supervising the miniature "Babies". The sources have leaked that a DNA test has in fact confirmed that theese mini-"Babies" are in fact the biological children of Benny "The Baby"(Mr. L's best friend and side-kick). Rumor has it that tequila in Cabo San Lucas may have contributed to theese situation. Apparently, the "Love-Babies" have been named as Limon (the green one), Pinkie (the pink one) and Chip Off The Old Baby (the orange one). "Miss Stormy" will have her paws full as the "Love Babies" are reportedly full of energy, very curious and constantly leaving their basket to get into trouble. Sources also say that Mr. L has agreed to officially adopt the "Love Babies" and become their other parent. (Feline Activists are worried as they report that canines cannot really be trusted with "cat toys".)
THIS CONCLUDES OUR NEWSBREAK...JOIN US AT 11PM FOR FURTHER DETAILS...

July 1, 2009



HAPPY CANADA DAY - EH!

Hello Y'all. We're gearing up for our Canada Day Festivities at Clooney Credit Canada. We are holding an open house and tour of our Headquarters. The Paparazzi is already outside waiting to take photos and the line of interested folks keeps getting longer. Some have camped out in line overnight to be the first through the doors today and receive a limited edition souvenir $1,000,000 Bill. It is hot off the press and has my picture on it, of course. Clooney Money - it's the way of the future folks! Today's line-up of events will be:

12PM (Sharp - no latecomers will be admitted): Singing of O Canada led by

Mr. L and "The Baby"

12:10PM: "Girlfriend" will serve our Guests a round of special punch (and some catnip brownies for the felines in attendance).

12:15-1:00PM: Socializing and ice-breaker games

1:00PM (Sharp): Line-ups for the "premises" begin. (Cloon expects a good topping-up of the Num-Num Fund today as the "punch" is extra strong and the Guests will be depositing a toon to use the biffy.)

Note: Those Guests who have stronger bladders and are not lined up for the "premises" will be the first to tour through Headquarters, visiting the Assembly Line Elves, viewing the prototype of the Clooneymobile and "Ms. Tortorovsky's" new exhibit of paintings (including a beautiful Buddha giclee).

2:00PM: Mr. L and "The Baby" will be doing a special "Bollywood" number choreographed by the Infamous DJ "T.I.M."

2:30-3PM: Dunk Tank Fundraiser for "The Pink Nose Society" in the parking lot outside Clooney Credit Canada.

And that's all folks... Happy Canada Day to "Trish" (a new blog follower)!

**IMPORTANT UPDATE** Cloon and "Girlfriend" placed 2nd in the Feline Suntanning Contest. They lost out to a team of Devon Rexes from Yuma Arizona. Cloon was very upset and flew to Florida for a re-count of the suntanning hours (hence not blogging for the past week or so). But, alas, the count was accurate. (Cloon does report that there may have been an unfair advantage for the winners as Yuma happens to be one of the sunniest places in the world and Devon Rexes have no fur so theese ones can suntan forever without getting too hot).