December 31, 2009

CLOON CELEBRATES NEW YEAR'S EVE IN STYLE...
WITH "JAMES BOMB" ALTER EGO

Well hello there Audience. We'z having a New Year's Eve/Blue Moon Soiree at Headquarters this evening. The Assembly Line Elves delivered custom-made sparkly invites to select Num-Num Fund supporters. It is a closed and very exclusive function.

Private Eye Von Ice will be "working the door" for us this evening and also "securing the perimeter". The Infamous DJ "T.I.M." will be spinning his proprietary tunes. "The Baby" will be tending the bar, making signature cocktails for our special guests. Pierre Du Port will be head wait staff in charge of the fancy h'or d'oeuvres, such as my renowned catnip brownies.

And I...I will "Circulate. Oozing intelligence".

Later, we will all gaze at the Blue Moon and write down our resolutions for the New Year. Before the stroke of midnite, "The Baby" will teach us all how to pronounce "20-10" correctly. Say it with me now folks..."20-10". And again, one more time..."Twenty-ten"...
Excellent excellent. Theese one has a nice ring to it.

See you in the New Year folks!

December 26, 2009

T.I.M.'S TOP TIPS FOR "TURKEY TUMMY"

Cloon: Hello Audience, joining us via webcam is "Sri Guru T.I.M.". Welcome Holy One! Long time no see. Have you been on a mountain top somewhere?

T.I.M:

Cloon: "Sri Guru T.I.M." has mouthed a "silent meow".

The Audience is abuzz with astonishment. Cloon pounds his little paw for "order in the court".

Cloon: Thanks for coming forth today with some very important and timely information for the public. Now, before we get into that, did you hit the stores for any Boxing Day specials?

T.I.M: I did indeed. I lined up at sunrise at my favorite pet store for some excellent deals on Num-Nums.

Cloon: Well done! Now on with the subject matter at hand. What exactly is "turkey tummy"?

T.I.M: "Turkey tummy" is when you eats too much turkey and your tummy feels real full.

Cloon: Yes, theese is certainly a common problem at this time of the year. What can be done about this condition?

T.I.M: That's where my top tips for "turkey tummy" come into play.

Cloon: Excellent, excellent. Share with us more, will ya?

T.I.M: Well basically, it's very simple. You stretch out somewhere (see above photo) and don't move.

Cloon: What excellent advice! "Sri Guru T.I.M." is a very wise one! Any other bones you can throw us?

T.I.M: Now listen very closely Audience, this is the most important part. Once you are in "position", you must use your third eye to send some healing energy to your tummy to helps the digestion process. Are you with me so far?

(The Audience is oohing and ahhing...)

Cloon: Silence! Can you be more specific about theese exact process?

T.I.M: I'm afraid not. It's a trade secret and I'm not able to divulge the specifics. However, for "today only" the public may call in to

1-800-TIM-GURU and receive the Boxing Day Special of 50% off my regular "Third Eye" energy healing rates. I also accept payment in Num-Nums.

Cloon: You heard the man! Thank you to Esteemed Feline "Sri Guru T.I.M." for sharing this most timely information with us.

The lines are now open...

December 25, 2009

MERRY CHRISTMAS! AN UPDATE FROM CLOONEY CLAUS...

Hello there felines! Ol' Clooney Claus is very tired (and full) from his extremely busy evening. With the help of my elves, I visited many feline households last night. My sleigh finally pulled in to "Squirrel Sanctuary" in the wee hours of the morn for some much-needed rest, relaxation, squirrel and birdwatching. My last household visit was Von Ice Enterprises. TIM was delivered his secret Clooney Claus wishes of unlimited Num-Nums for the following year, the 24 hour Hockey Central TV Station, and tickets to all this season's Oilers games including a VIP locker room pass. Mr. L received a truck-load of squirrels relocated to his backyard and his secret Clooney Claus wish of a dream date with Pamela Anderson. He will be whisked away by private jet to spend a day with his dream girl in Hollywood. "The Baby" received his secret Clooney Claus wish of a two week all-inclusive trip to a 5 star resort in Cabo San Lucas with unlimited tequila and foot massages. I want to thank all felines for the generous portions of Num-Nums that were left out for Clooney Claus last night. Back on the home front, Pierre Du Port was given the book "Cowboys For Dummies" for all his hard work at Headquarters and received his secret Clooney Claus wish of a walk-on role in a Cowboy and Western movie, to be filmed in the Australian Outback in the spring of 2010. And yours truly received hefty contributions to my Num-Nums fund. Theese one was a good one!

Well felines, have a good one! Remember not to eat tinsel or poinsettias. Of course, don't be shy to ask your Human for an extra portion of Num-Nums today...Ho, ho, ho!!!

December 24, 2009

IN LOVING MEMORY OF DOOGIE HOWSER PhD
(1991-2006)
Now gather around felines, this is Cloon with a little Christmas Eve message and story. This is a special evening as it marks the 3rd Anniversary of the passing of Doogie, my Human's first ever feline. Theese guy was quite something I'm told. It was before my time, but his story is legendary. Doogie was strong-willed, independent and full of soul. He survived a 10 story jump from an apartment window when he was only 8 months old. (Someone was pet sitting him at the time and my Human was not there.) He ended up losing one of his back legs in this incident, but that didn't slow him down. After a few weeks, he learned to walk again with his 3 legs and was still a force to be reckoned with. He had travelled all over the United States and Mexico with my Human and was her main man before I entered the picture. He loved Num-Nums and preferred the Fancy Feast Sliced Turkey Feast, so if he had been at my Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge he would have picked "B" on the ballot. (That's OK, I won't hold it against him - he was "old school".) Doogie loved plants (hence above photo op), bugs, birdies, exploring, looking out windows, gray babe mousies, and most of all he loved my Human. He is now one of my Human's "Guardian Angels" and likes to watch over things.
...Raise a mini glass of cheer to Doogie
and felines continue to be "good girls and boys" this evening as "CLOONEY CLAUS" comes down the chimney tonite. Actually, could you leave the front door unlocked for me, it's a lot easier...and instead of milk and cookies...you know what to do...it's all about the NUM-NUMS...

December 23, 2009

CLOON PRESENTS "PRO BONO" SEMINAR AT WINTER CARNIVAL FUNDRAISER

What follows is an interview with FQ (Felines' Quarterly) in attendance at the Pink Nose Society's Winter Carnival Fundraiser.

FQ: My you look quite dashing Cloon. Do you have your own fashion stylist?

Cloon: I certainly do. It's my Human.

FQ: Well, good on you. Now can you tell us a little about your "Pro Bono" Seminar.

Cloon: The title of my seminar is "The Importance of Capitalist Ventures in Feline Society".

FQ: That sounds very intriguing. Tell us more.

Cloon: Theese one contains very important information for the feline segment of society.

FQ: Are you able to be a little more specific?

Cloon: Yes of course. Basically, it is important for felines to be involved in capitalist ventures because we'z very intelligent and needs the intellectual stimulation and also because we'z very independent and likes to be our own bosses. Also, because Num-Nums are very important to us, we has to take it into our own paws, so to speak, and be financially self-sufficient. Therefore, we needs to be entrepreneurs involved in capitalist ventures.

FQ: Excellent insight on your part Cloon. Can you review for us, your experience in these areas?

Cloon: I has my Num-Num Fund and my Blog. I'm CEO of Clooney Credit Canada, an automotive business. I has an Ice Cream Truck and I has also inherited the Mobile Waxing Unit which happens to be part of the same vehicle. I has also inherited a bedazzling business where I "pimp suitcases". I partake in some Mockumentary Filmmaking with Mr. L at Von Ice Enterprises. I has my "Cement Shoes" business. Need I say more?

FQ: No. Stop right there. You're making the rest of us felines look bad. What exactly takes place in these seminars?

Cloon: Well, I evaluate the natural strengths and skills and interests of the felines in attendance through the use of very specialized surveys, then we do some "think tank" brainstorming, and then some role-playing, then I show PowerPoint presentations of my various capitalist ventures, and we generally end the sessions with the Macarena (theese one is a good group activity) and a pep rally.

FQ: Where do you usually present this seminar?

Cloon: Fundraising events like theese one and at feline shelters and humane organizations.

FQ: Thank you for enlightening us with this very important information Cloon. Do you have anything to say in closing?

Cloon: (starting to Samba)..."Come and find me, my name is Macarena...Always at the party con las chicas que son buena...Hey Macarena!...Ay!

December 21, 2009

MR. L IS SPECIAL GUEST MUSICIAN AT "PINK NOSE SOCIETY" WINTER CARNIVAL FUNDRAISER

Cloon: Well the festivities have finally wound down at the Winter Carnival Fundraiser. The last felines have left and the clean-up crew (the Assembly Line Elves on loan from yours truly) is hard at work. How much money were you able to raise today, TIM?

TIM: It was a most excellent day for fundraising and for the "Pink Nose Society". 200 felines were in attendance today for the Carnival. So, I raised a hefty sum of $9800.

Cloon: Wow, are you sure that the rules still exclude me from being the Treasurer?

TIM: Do you have a pink nose?

Cloon: No, it's gray actually.

TIM: Well then, you don't gets to be the Treasurer. But getting back to the matter at hand, "Girlfriend" would have been very proud of today's results and the high calibre of the event.

Cloon: That is for sure. You did her proud! Well congratulations! Now for a few words with Mr. L, today's guest musician... So, please tell the Audience about your special drum.

Mr. L: It's called a djembe and it's from Africa.

Cloon: How did you come to take an interest in theese African drum?

Mr. L: I'm studying to be a film critic in my spare time so I often rent independent films to watch. One such film was called "The Visitor". It is about someone who plays the djembe. I was very taken with both the storyline of the film and the drumming, so when I attended a fair trade Christmas craft fair and saw a djembe from Africa there, I immediately purchased it.

Cloon: Fascinating! Do you practice everyday?

Mr. L: I do indeed. And when I do, "The Baby" always dances around because he likes the drumming.

Cloon: Yes, and "The Baby" got the crowd going today, didn't he? Most of the felines, including myself, were dancing around. We all worked up a really good appetite for the weenie roast. Well, there you have it folks. Remember, you heard it here first...

ANYONE WISHING TO BOOK MR. L & HIS DJEMBE FOR EVENTS OR ANYONE IN NEED OF A FILM CRITIC "IN TRAINING" ARE ASKED TO CONTACT HIS BOOKING AGENT AT 1-800-THE-KING.

December 20, 2009


100th BLOG ENTRY!!! CLOON & "THE BABY" CELEBRATE AND REMINISCE ABOUT THEIR FAVORITE STORIES...

Just back from Cabo, "The Baby" stops by Headquarters to visit Cloon and have a little tete-a-tete discussing their favorite blog stories from 2009.

Cloon: Welcome back little buddy! How was Me-hi-co?
"The Baby": Excellent! Most excellent! I was trying to recruit some new members for our club "B.A.A.D. (Born Awesome And Daring) and I was also having some plastic surgery done - they gots better deals down there...
Cloon: Well I must say you look years younger!
"The Baby": (in an Elvis tone of voice) Thank you. Thank you very much.
Cloon: Do you happens to know how much "bicep implants" cost down there? I'z thinking of getting some...
"The Baby": Cool! Well, I don't gots biceps at all or arms...for that matter...so I never checked into it...I was more concerned with face lifts and chemical peels and that sort of thing...You know, besides my feet, my face is my best asset.
Cloon: True enough. Well check it out for me when you're down there next, will ya? In the meantime, let's discuss the best blog stories of 2009, shall we?
"The Baby": One of my very favorites was "Stan - The World's Smallest Sheep" featured February 18, 2009. The little guy just kinda tugged on my heartstrings, you know...
Cloon: I know...He really wanted to live with us here at Headquarters, but the zoo wouldn't let him. The little guy woulda cost me lots in cerveza, though. One of my favorite blogs was "SRI GURU T.I.M." on February 28, 2009.
"The Baby": If I recall he disappeared into your kitchen when the Audience was meditating and ate a lot of your Num-Num stock...
Cloon: Uh, yes that is correct. But he did send some "third eye magic" my way for the "irregularities"... so the slate was wiped clean.
"The Baby": I was a big fan of "Babushka Cat Hot Dog Vendor" on March 13, 2009. That sauerkraut was "how you call it"...pretty powerful...
Cloon: I know. My Cousin from "Old Country". Blesses her little heart...I made lots of money on the "premises", if you know what I mean... Another blog that I likes is "Private Eye Von Ice Accepts Dream Job" on May 16, 2009. Those pocket gophers made a big mess of the Mobile Waxing Unit with their dirty feet but they did a great job digging my tunnels underneath Headquarters.
"The Baby": I really liked "Interwebs Romance on Plenty Of Birdies.com" featured on July 21, 2009. That "Seagull" is one interesting character! He has lots of chutzpah!
Cloon: Yep. Theese one was a good one! And let's not forget our crazy Starbucks escapade on August 9, 2009. You and I are very skilled at creating chaos...that's why we'z a good team. Well a big thank you to our Audience and Blog Followers for taking a trip down memory lane with us. Keep staying tuned in for more excellent stories and crazy antics. And do feel free to contribute to my Num-Num Fund, as one of my projects in the New Year is to start the only Australia Zoo in Canada...at my own Headquarters of course. And I needs the funds to brings those specialized animals over.

CLOON AND "THE BABY" EXIT STAGE LEFT DOING THE MOONWALK AND SINGING "YOU KNOW WE'RE B.A.A.D...WE'RE B.A.A.D...YOU KNOW IT"...

December 15, 2009

TIM FROM THE "PINK NOSE SOCIETY" ORGANIZES WINTER CARNIVAL FUNDRAISER

Hello this is a public service announcement from me TIM, the Secretary and President of the Pink Nose Society. I'z organizing a winter carnival at the venue of Von Ice Enterprises (cuz we has a big backyard for festivities) for the most prestigious club around...the one and only "Pink Nose Society". And I'z the one and only "pink nose" that is a member of this club. Therefore, it is very exclusive. I am currently recruiting volunteers to help me with this special event. (Please submit a curriculum vitae highlighting proper credentials and relevant skills and experience.) The Winter Carnival is being held in the memory of "Girlfriend" past President of the PNS. All proceeds will go to the Pink Nose Society Birdwatching Fund. (I hopes to take another birdwatching trip in the upcoming spring.) Now for the details of the Winter Carnival...listen closely felines. This event is taking place on the Winter Solstice of Monday, December 21, 2009. It will begin sharply at 10:47 AM the exact time of the solstice. Felines please ensure that you form an orderly queue half an hour before the Festival begins. Entrance fee to the event is $49.

The itinerary is as follows: 10:17 AM - Orderly queue forms

10:30 AM - Entrance to event and ice breaker games

10:45 AM - All felines are served a hot toddy to toast in the Solstice

10:47 AM - Winter Solstice 2009 Toast and Cheers

11:00 AM - Special Guest Musician

11:30 AM - Snow Angels, Snowman Building Contest, Birdwatching

12:00 PM - Live JumboTron presentation of the 5th Annual Cat Toy
Awareness March

12:30 PM - Weenie and Marshmallow Roast

1:00 PM - Pro Bono Seminar by Cloon

2:00 PM - Moonwalk lessons by TIM

2:30 PM - Backyard Sleigh Rides (courtesy of Mr. L)

3:00 PM - Picture with Santa (also courtesy of Mr. L)

3:30 PM - Snack (Cloon's famous catnip brownies)

3:45 PM - Elvis Voice Coaching Lessons (courtesy of "The Baby")

4:00 PM - Event Wrap-up and Evaluation Survey

Felines avoid disappointment...purchase tickets early... this will be a sell-out event.

Call 1-800-PNK-NOSE...Lines are now open...

December 14, 2009

NEWS BULLETIN...MISS STORMY IS REUNITED WITH "CHIP OFF THE OLD BABY"

The search party at Von Ice Enterprises has finally turned up one of the "Love Babies". Earlier today, Nanny Miss Stormy's house arrest officially came to an end and she resumed her regular "nannying" duties. Volunteers and members of "Concerned Friends of Cat Toys" have halted their search efforts due to time constraints and lack of success of locating the other two cat toys. One of the members of that organization was quoted as saying, "It's one of those great mysteries of life akin to the missing dryer sock." "Concerned Friends of Cat Toys" will be conducting random visits to Von Ice Enterprises to monitor Miss Stormy's "nannying" practices and to ensure the well-being of the remaining "Love Baby"- "Chip Off The Old Baby".

MEMBERS OF THE FELINE & CANINE PUBLIC ARE INVITED TO TAKE PART IN THE 5TH ANNUAL CAT TOY AWARENESS MARCH BEING HELD DECEMBER 21, 2009.

CALL 1-800-CAT-TOYS FOR FURTHER DETAILS...

December 11, 2009


SPYCAT IS BUSTED AND THE SECRET LABORATORY FINDINGS ARE RETURNED TO CLOON
On location at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada we join Private Eye Von Ice and Cloon via an in-progress interview:
Cloon: Thanks my Boy! I knew I could count on that schnozzle of yours!
Private Eye: Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?
Cloon: You know...you has a good honker...snout...ok in your Mother Tongue...schnauze.
Private Eye: Oh, my nose! Yes, it is a good one. It is my chief weapon in my investigative line of work.
Cloon: Please tell the Audience how you found the culprit whole stole my report.
Private Eye: First of all, I secured the perimeter and checked for any possible distractions such as birds or squirrels. Unfortunately, the weather was very cold and they were all frozed up so I didn't have any entertainment. So I got serious and started to sniff all around the outside of Headquarters in each direction. I then picked up a feline scent that went directly from your front door in a diagonal direction to the house across the way. I donned my "Girl Guide" disguise and rang the doorbell pretending to sell cookies. A feline answered the front door and requested the vanilla Girl Guide cookies saying those ones were the best. We then shook paws and suddenly I remembered a certain CSI episode. So I pulled out my UV black light and shone it on the feline's paws revealing the same invisible ink that you told me was on your Secret Laboratory Findings report. Busted...the feline then revealed that after days of trying to book a time slot for the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge and always getting a busy signal, they decided to take things into their own paws, so to speak. The feline then snuck into Headquarters when the line for the Challenge was at its peak and Pierre the doorman was distracted. They then proceeded to convince the Assembly Line Elves that they were from Price Waterhouse (the official accounting firm of the Challenge) and needed to get into the Vault to collect the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge ballots. Having only the intention of gorging on the supply of Num-Nums within the Vault, it was then that they saw the report and basically absconded with it.
Cloon: Excellent Detective Work Private Eye! Now, did the feline willingly hand over the report or did you need to employ other tactics?
Private Eye: The feline handed over a written demand of one month of free Num-Nums, a personal tour of the Clooneymobile Assembly Line and a VIP pass for future events at Headquarters in exchange for the safe return of the report. We shook paws and the feline promptly handed over the report.
Cloon: I guess that's a small price to pay for all my secret research. Do you have anything else to add to this?
Private Eye: The feline admits to spying on Headquarters on a regular basis through their window as they are bored and many interesting things appear to go on here.
Cloon: (Dabbing a fake tear) Poor SpyCat. Due to security concerns, I will not be holding a press conference but instead have this announcement:
ATTENTION EVERYONE: I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO PRESENT MY SECRET FINDINGS REPORT AT THE 1ST ANNUAL SYMPOSIUM ON FELINE NUTRITION AT THE BIRDEE NUM-NUMS ESTABLISHMENT IN BRISBANE AUSTRALIA IN SPRING OF 2010.


In closing I say, "G'day Mates!"

December 8, 2009

PRIVATE EYE VON ICE RETURNS FROM ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO "SQUIRREL SANCTUARY"

No sooner did the limo drop Private Eye and "'The Baby" back at Von Ice Enterprises did another call come in from Cloon at Headquarters...

Cloon: Hello Private Eye. I urgently require your services. But first things first, how was your trip?

Private Eye: It was simply marvelous. We were treated like celebrities. "The Baby" being a bit of a connoisseur said that the champagne we were served in the limo was top notch. We did get into a bit of trouble on the way there when "The Baby" lifted his blindfold and tried to peek at the exact location of the "Squirrel Sanctuary" which, of course, is secret. When we arrived I was able to assist the Sanctuary staff in the daily squirrel feeding of peanuts. This was very exciting! I then had to go back inside and observe the squirrels in their natural habitat from some very excellent windows. There were many sightings. "The Baby" carefully monitored me for hyperventilation, but I made it through. It was like being in "squirrel heaven". I bought myself a squirrel nutcracker from the gift shop as a souvenir. The BBQ steak bone I was given for the trip back was also most excellent. All in all, I would definitely recommend this trip to all canines out there.

Cloon: Well now that all the pleasantries are out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we? I'm sending my driver for you. My Secret Laboratory Findings on Num-Nums have been stolen from the vault at Headquarters. I need you to secure the perimeter and do some sniffing around. Come prepared for long days and nights of investigation. Theese one is a serious matter. With your nose, I expect the culprit to be found.

Private Eye: At your service Cloon. I'll get to the bottom of this...

PRIVATE EYE GATHERS HIS EQUIPMENT AND ANY DISGUISES HE MAY NEED AND AWAITS PICK-UP...

December 2, 2009

ALOUETTE, GENTILLE ALOUETTE!!!... PIERRE DU PORT ATTENDS VICTORY PARADE IN MONTREAL TO CELEBRATE ALOUETTES' GREY CUP WIN

Bonjour Mes Amis! I'm on location in Montreal on Ste-Catherine Street to catch a glimpse of my favorite football team as they make their way down the parade route. C'est formidable! I brought my favorite football book with me for Quarterback Anthony Calvillo to autograph. How about that win, eh? 28-27! I was very sad on Sunday night with my team behind, when all of a sudden...Cloon starts to samba and points to the TV screen. I could not believe it! I got up and started to stamp my feet and dance around. I took the red eye last night to Montreal to celebrate. After the parade and hopefully touching the Grey Cup, I will head out to my favorite poutine hot spot. After that...PARTAY!!

"I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night...That tonight's gonna be a good good night... Let's paint the town ORANGE...We'll shut it down..."

November 28, 2009

BREAKING NEWS... MISS STORMY WEATHERS (NANNY OF THE "LOVE BABIES") IS ON HOUSE ARREST AT VON ICE ENTERPRISES...

The National Feline Enquirer has paid for a story from an undisclosed feline reporting that Miss Stormy has indeed suffered some consequences for her frank disclosure of her "nannying" practices at the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge. The informant has stated that "Concerned Friends of Cat Toys" - a cat toy activist group concerned for cat toy rights - is on the scene at Von Ice Enterprises combing every square inch of the place for the whereabouts of "Love Babies": Pinkie, Limon and Chip Off The Old Baby. The search party says that it could have used the "nose" of Private Eye Von Ice to aid in the search, however, he is away on an all expense paid trip to "Squirrel Sanctuary" so is currently unavailable.

When questioned about her current state of affairs, Miss Stormy was quoted as saying, "I rather enjoy the feeling of security of my new "house" and the Zen quality of solitary confinement. Let me know when you find the little buggers, will ya? Then I can gets more entertainment and bat them back under the couch."

ANY FELINES WISHING TO VOLUNTEER WITH THE SEARCH PARTY ARE ASKED TO CALL 1-800-CAT-TOYS

November 27, 2009


...MEANWHILE BACK AT VON ICE ENTERPRISES...PRIVATE EYE & "THE BABY" WIN RADIO CONTEST TO VISIT SQUIRREL SANCTUARY IN NORTHERN ALBERTA...
It's a typical early morning at Von Ice Enterprises, Private Eye reviews his schedule which includes Elvis Impersonation Rehearsals and a possible glimpse of backyard wildlife here and there...when suddenly a radio announcement on WOOF-FM catches Private Eye's attention:

Hello Canines...I've got a live one for ya... Dreaming of the time again when squirrels will frequent your backyard? Don't wait till Spring...Call in now for the chance to win "two free tickets to Squirrel Sanctuary"...That's right Canines...You heard me correctly...Be the 500th caller in this morning, when the lines open, and win a free trip for two to the secret Squirrel Sanctuary located in Northern Alberta. Trip includes private limo service with champagne and an open sunroof for wildlife viewing along the way. Of course, you and your lucky guest will be blindfolded once we reach the vicinity of Squirrel Sanctuary as its location is secret. Once there, you will be treated to an unobstructed view of squirrels in their natural habitat and will be able to tour a museum of squirrel paraphernalia. There will be a steak BBQ where you will be presented with a good steak bone for your limo ride back home. Do not delay any further, Canines. Lines are now open...

Private Eye heads for the telephone and starts dialing...After busy signals and hitting redial for 1 hour...a voice comes on the line:

"Well a big congratulations to you, you are our 500th caller! And what is your name?"

Private Eye starts to hyperventilate with excitement. ("The Baby" brings him a paper bag to breathe into before he begins to see stars.) He collects himself just in time to respond to the radio announcer:

"I'm Private Eye Malhaven Von Ice."

Radio Announcer: Well, you're one lucky Canine! We'll be sending the limo around for you shortly. This trip is one of those last minute dealies, so be waiting curbside with your guest and the driver will be there within the hour. Remember to pack lightly, bring a camera and stay on the line to give us your exact location for pick-up.

PRIVATE EYE AND "THE BABY" PACK UP THEIR BELONGINGS, GO OUT TO THE CURB AND ARE WHISKED AWAY BY PRIVATE LIMO TO THE SECRET "SQUIRREL SANCTUARY"... AFTER THEY PULL AWAY FROM VON ICE ENTERPRISES, A FRANTIC CALL FROM CLOON COMES IN...BUT ALAS, IT IS TOO LATE. PRIVATE EYE HAS ALREADY LEFT THE CITY.

...THE SAGA CONTINUES...

November 25, 2009


TIM AND "THE CHALLENGER" (OFFICIAL JUDGES OF THE NUM-NUMS TASTE TEST CHALLENGE) TABULATE THE FINAL RESULTS...
The Audience at Headquarters is buzzing with excitement and speculation regarding the final poll results of the Taste Test Challenge. Bets have been waged and now felines worldwide are holding their breath until "The Challenger" does his official little dance and TIM gives the secret signal signifying that the results are in...
TIM:
"The Challenger": (Performing a stiff rap dance) It is official...TIM has mouthed a silent meow and moonwalked across the studio...The results are in!!!....
TIM: It's a shocker...Folks! Those felines who have bet on the long shot with Vegas will soon be buying their own private islands in the South Pacific and enjoying leisurely days of endless bird-watching...(Throw me a couple of pebbles will ya and invite me to stay on as your permanent house guest)...
"The Challenger": Yo Yo TIM, the results are in...Let's git on wit it...
TIM: Drum roll please...It's official...The winner of the World's First Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge sponsored by Clooney Credit Canada is..."A"... Here to reveal the identity of Num-Nums "A" is Cloon...
Cloon: Hello, hello, hello my furry little friends. Hold onto your britches...theese one is a good one! Are you all ready? Without further adieu, I say, "Will the REAL Num-Nums Please Step Forward"...
The Audience is out of control with excitement, cheering "CLOON, CLOON, CLOON"...
Cloon: The REAL Num-Nums is my original Num-Nums...Wellness Beef and Chicken Formula...
There is a mixed reaction in the Audience, some felines are doing the samba while others gasp in astonishment with their mouths open...There is only one thing left to do...Cloon proceeds to the Vault to get his secret laboratory findings and hold his official press conference...
Suddenly, the alarm system at Headquarters is sounded and Cloon emerges from the Vault with a very serious look on his face.
Cloon: Attention Everyone! My secret laboratory findings have been stolen from the Vault...There is only one canine who can assist me...This is a job for Private Eye Von Ice...
CLOON EXITS STAGE LEFT TO PLACE A CALL TO VON ICE ENTERPRISES...
TO BE CONTINUED...

November 24, 2009

CLOON'S COUSIN "CLOONSKI OGORKI" VISITS FROM OLD COUNTRY

I'z Cloon's cousin from Old Country. I'z gets call from Cloon real late in night. Sayz takes airplanz to Canada to participatz in Num-Nums Taste Test Challenges. Cloon (blesses heez little heart) says I'z can takes some of left-over Num-Nums from Challenge backs to Old Country with me. I'z very excitable for good opportunities like theese one. I'z not let Cloon down. I'z makes, how you call it, "correct choices on ballot"...

Cloon: ZzDRAST-vet-yah...cousin!

Cloonski: Hello! You makz me so proudz my little boyz...greetingz me in my mother tongue...

Cloon: It's the miracle of the interwebs...I'z been studying many languages...You know cousin, you bear quite a striking resemblance to me. If I didn't already have a twin in the land down under, you might have qualified. Uh, sorry about that!

Cloonski: I'z, how you call it, "flattering and honored"... to looks like you...

Cloon: How was your flight? Any jet lag? Uh...you needs to be in a good frame of mind for the Taste Test. Are you ready to proceed?

Cloonski: No problemz...I hadz my flask of "potato water" with me on airplanz and I feelz like, how you call it, "a million buckz". But, I do haz to use the "premises" before we getz started...

Cloon: That will be a toon please...

Cloonski: Will you takz "zloty"? I'z did not exchangez my money yet...

Cloon: Let's make the proper conversion, shall we? On xe.com it says that you owes me 5.2 zloty.

Cloonski: No problemz...

CLOON TAKES THE "ZLOTY" TO THE VAULT WHILE CLOONSKI CONDUCTS HIS "BUSINESS"...FINALLY CLOONSKI EMERGES AGAIN...FOR THE TASTE TEST

Cloon: Now cousin, please proceed to taste both samples of Num-Nums. I encourage you to take your time, slowly savoring each one on your palate. When you are ready, I need you to put a paw print on the ballot next to either "A"or "B", whichever Num-Nums you liked better. Pierre Du Port is coming around with an ink pad as we speak.

AGAIN HEADQUARTERS IS FILLED WITH SUSPENSE AND THERE IS A DRUM ROLL...

Cloon: It is official. "Cloonski Ogorki" has chosen Num-Nums "A".

TUNE IN FOR THE OFFICIAL RESULTS OF THE NUM-NUMS TASTE TEST CHALLENGE AND CLOON'S PRESS CONFERENCE...

November 23, 2009

DUE TO AN OVERWHELMING TURNOUT...NUM-NUMS TASTE TEST CHALLENGE EXTENDS INTO THIS WEEK...
Felines from around the world camped outside the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada for a chance to participate in the history-making event of the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge.
What follows is a interview clip with Miss Stormy Weathers-Nanny of the Love Babies:

Cloon: Thank you for your participaction in the Num-Nums Taste Test. It must be a well-deserved little break for you...I hear "nannying" is a tough gig...

Miss S: Affirmative. However, right now all of the Love Babies are underneath a couch somewhere...I've lost track of them, I must admit...

Cloon: Uh, is that even allowed? I mean aren't there any regulatory bodies involved in theese "nannying"?

Miss S: Well, I won't tell anyone if you don't...(Miss Stormy starts doing the infamous laugh of "Girlfriend" HeHeHeHe...HeHeHeHe...)

Cloon: You're my kind of woman! Do you wants to go out on a date?

Miss S: Uh, no actually. Being a bachelor at your age can only spell trouble...Besides I prefer Maine Coons.

Cloon: Trust me, he's not interested...

Miss S: We'll see about that...

Cloon: Let's get on with the Taste Test, shall we? Now, Miss Stormy I need you to put a paw print on the ballot next to either "A"or "B", whichever Num-Nums you liked better. Pierre Du Port is coming around with an ink pad as we speak.

The anticipation and suspense is wreaking havoc on the Audience of felines in attendance....Cloon pounds his little paw for "Order in the Court".

Cloon: It is official. Miss Stormy has chosen Num-Nums "A".

Tune in this week Audience as we continue to reveal the findings...

November 15, 2009

**BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN FROM HEADQUARTERS...
CLOON MAKES IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY...**
Well hello there Audience. I'z been in my secret research laboratory day and night analyzing the above specimens (see photo). It came to my attention, during "Girlfriend's" illness, that a very important piece of information had been withheld from me by my Human. Apparently, there was an "original" Num-Nums that I had never been exposed to nor fed. Theese one is called "Fancy Feast Sliced Turkey Feast". It came out of the woodwork when my Human was trying to get "Girlfriend" to eat a little something and apparently it's a favorite of many felines worldwide. In fact, most will eat theese one when they refuse to eat anything else. Of course, I took an immediate liking to it and tried to eat all of "Girlfriend's" portions as well. I even boycotted my original Num-Nums when theese new one disappeared from Headquarters after "Girlfriend" went to kitty heaven. That's right...you heard me correctly folks. Imagine that...me boycotting me own Num-Nums that I love so much. So, an interesting phenomenon took place recently when my Human returned with a couple cans of the "stuff". I tooks it into my research laboratory and instantly began performing a scientific analysis of it, comparing it to my normal (healthy) Num-Nums. I'z been charting the statistical results, graphing them and applying algorithms and I'z come up with some very significant classified information. I'z going to be holding a press conference at the end of this week and revealing to the world my secret findings.

In the meantime, gather around felines...this is very important...I will be holding a week-long blind taste test and Num-Num's taste challenge this week at Headquarters. Felines can contact Pierre Du Port (Acting Secretary of Clooney Credit Canada) and TIM (Pink Nose Society Secretary & Acting President) to book a time slot for this challenge at Headquarters. Now felines, come on out and participate...theese one is a very important event...you will be part of making history...In closing, I say:
"WILL THE "REAL" NUM-NUMS PLEASE STEP FORWARD"...

November 14, 2009



CLOON DISCOVERS HIS LONG-LOST TWIN IN THE LAND DOWN UNDER

Well hello my Dear Audience, gather around ...I'z gots a little story for you all and it goes like this: One evening I was surfing the interwebs and I came across theese little fellow with a striking resemblance to myself (see 2nd photo above). So I says to myself, theese one must be my long-lost Brother from another Mother. I'z been trying to convince my Human to go to the Land of Oz to picks up my twin and brings him back to Headquarters. Please feel free to donate to theese most worthy cause of re-uniting me and my long-lost twin by donating to my Num-Num Fund.

The Top 6 Similarities Between Me & My Koala Bear Twin:

6) We'z both gray.

5) We both sleep approximately 18 hours a day.

4) We'z both nocturnal creatures hence being active during the night.

3) Threats to us both are cars (for me they compete with my Clooneymobile business) and dogs (except for Mr. L).

2) We both looks like "stuffed animals".

and the #1 Similarity...

1) We both depend on one certain food for our survival...for me it's Num-Nums and for my twin it's eucalyptus leaves.

HELP RE-UNITE ME WITH MY TWIN...DONATE

October 30, 2009

IN LOVING MEMORY OF "GIRLFRIEND"
- AN UNPUBLISHED PHOTO
"IF THERE EVER COMES A DAY WHEN WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER...
KEEP ME IN YOUR HEART, I'LL STAY THERE FOREVER."
-A.A. MILNE

October 28, 2009

BLOG FANS "SHADOW" & HIS HUMAN "MS. T"
PAY TRIBUTE TO "GIRLFRIEND"
A HEARTFELT THANKS TO THEM FROM US AT HEADQUARTERS...

October 14, 2009


CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA MOURNS THE LOSS OF "GIRLFRIEND" (1999-2009)
My Dear Audience and Blog Followers, it's been a very tough 3 weeks at Headquarters as we learned suddenly that "Girlfriend" had cancer which led to her passing to "Kitty Heaven" today at 10:56 AM. Join us in a celebration of "Girlfriend's" favorite things:
Grooming me and our Human.
Purring when she heard our Human's voice.
Tuna.
Furry grey mice (babe mousies).
Laying in the breeze of an open window.
Chasing and eating insects.
Watching birdies.
Catnip.
Hiding under blankies.
Our Human scratching the sides of her head and under her chin.
Eavesdropping.
Taking care of others.
Suntanning.
Zen...lots of Zen.
"GIRLFRIEND" WILL BE SO INCREDIBLY MISSED BY MANY INCLUDING VON ICE ENTERPRISES, THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY, AND US AT HEADQUARTERS...PLEASE LIGHT A CANDLE IN HONOR OF "GIRLFRIEND" (AKA MS. TORTOROVSKY) AND SEND HER SPECIAL BLESSINGS FOR HER JOURNEY TO KITTY HEAVEN AND HER NEXT GREAT ADVENTURE.
-CLOON

September 20, 2009

CLOON RETURNS FROM MONTREAL WITH HIS MINIATURE MAPLE SYRUP AND "PIERRE DU PORT"

Hello, hello, hello everyone...How's the Audience today? I just wanted to report that Pierre and I have been planning our strategy to take the East by storm with the sales of Clooneymobiles. Pierre is quite the little trooper, he "dials for dollars" without any complaints and only takes the occasional break for poutine. ("Girlfriend" has been busy perfecting the art of poutine and Pierre has given her some good reviews.) The first thing Pierre did when he got off the plane in the land of the "Cowboys" was purchase himself a cowboy hat (see above photo). He takes this very seriously. I, on the other hand, was happy to add my miniature jar of authentic Quebec maple syrup to my collection of miniature jams. Theese one is a good one! Well, I'm off to mentor "Pierre Du Port" in the world of business in exchange for some French lessons.
AU REVOIR MES PETITS AMIS...

September 18, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUMAN!!!

STICK WITH ME...TOGETHER OUR FUTURE IS REAL BRIGHT...

(THAT'S WHY I HAS THEESE SUNGLASSES ON)...


On theese special day I would like to acknowledge my Human, who also happens to be my Personal Assistant. I has written her a love letter as follows because I am quite sweet on her and I has developed quite a big attachment to her:

Dear My Human,

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?...I appreciates that you founds me on the interwebs and travelled quite a ways to adopts me...I was sweet on ya from first sight as I gave you googly eyes and purred as you held me on your lap on the car ride back...I liked my new home instantly, it was filled with toys, hiding places, good windows for birdies and most importantly "NUM-NUMS"...Right off the bat, I was treated as a celebrity with little hats, outfits, and photo-shoots...I gots kinda nervous the first time you wents on a trip and left me for a couple weeks... buts when you came back I tried out some new techniques for getting your attention in the wee hours of the morn, such as biting your nose and pulling your hair in order to get my Num-Nums (theese was a good strategic move)...I also experimented with moving paintings around on the walls, for your attention (I know you admires my cleverness and creativity)...You then did lots of work to help me develops my Clooneymobile Business and Num-Num Fund...Uh, thanks for that!... In closing, I would likes to express my appreciations for: your tummy massages, letting me rule the roost, keeping the inventory level of Num-Nums up, and most of all...your cuddles and luv...

Luv Your Main Man,

Cloon

RAISE A MINI-MUG OF ALE TO MY HUMAN...AND GET YOUR JAZZ HANDS GOIN', WILL YA...

September 13, 2009

CLOON GETS THE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH "PIERRE DU PORT"

Cloon: Thanks for giving me the exclusive, Pierre!

Pierre: Bonjour! My pleasure. Now, where is those "Cowboys"?

Cloon: Cowboys??

Pierre: Oui. Ou est les "Cowboys"? You promised me "Cowboys"!

Cloon: Oh. "The Baby" told me you have this idea about the West and likes Cowboys...So I used that to gets the exclusive. Uh, sorry about that! We has Cowboys back in Alberta, but we don't gots none here in the hotel room...

Pierre: Pas de probleme! I go back with you to see "Cowboys". When does the airplane go?

Cloon: Hmm... (Wheels turning...) Well perhaps we can works something out...As I mentioned Quebec is an uncharted territory for Clooneymobiles...Uh maybe you can live at Headquarters for un petit while and works the territory for me...speaking French and all...

Pierre: Do you has Poutine at Headquarters? I eat it every day...

Cloon: I'll get "Girlfriend" on that pronto!

Pierre: C'est formidable!

Cloon: Now, before we go please tell the Audience how you ended up in the canal anyway...

Pierre: My Canine was playing with me in the dog park alongside the canal. He got distracted for un moment and dropped me. A strange Canine approached me...he picked me up and ran tres rapide! He jumped into the canal and swam with me in his mouth! Then, his Human called him and said "Drop it!" I was left floating in the canal...enjoying the sun...I fell asleep...it was very relaxing...then I awoke to helicopter noise and to Private Eye rescuing me from the water... Merci beaucoup to Private Eye Von Ice for the rescue!

Cloon: Well that's quite a story little buddy... Now before we leaves Montreal I needs to get a miniature jar of maple syrup...Can you acts as my tour guide and helps me out?

Pierre: Bien sur!

CLOON AND "PIERRE DU PORT" HEAD OUT TO OLD MONTREAL ON THE QUEST FOR A MINIATURE JAR OF MAPLE SYRUP FOR CLOON'S COLLECTION...

September 9, 2009




NEWS BULLETIN***..........................................................


CLOON AND PRIVATE EYE VON ICE ARE CALLED TO MONTREAL ON RESCUE MISSION...

"The Baby" received an urgent phone call from his relatives in Montreal, Quebec requesting the services of Private Eye Von Ice as their family member "Pierre Du Port" had gone missing one afternoon in the dog park. What follows is a report on the situation from Cloon:
"Testing 1, 2, 3...ahem ...Testing... (major feedback...) Well hello, hello, hello everyone! I'm reporting live from the Montreal Canal where Private Eye Von Ice and I have been circling in a special rescue helicopter. Private Eye Von Ice spotted the yellow dog toy ( a good cuz) who is affectionately referred to as "Pierre Du Port" in a corner of the canal. (See first photo above.) What can I say, theese ones have good eyes. They'z used to spotting squirrels and rabbits from miles away. And Private Eye has lots of experience spotting "The Baby" when he is buried under snow etc. etc. So, Private Eye spots "Pierre" from miles above, then I flies the helicopter closer in. Private Eye then jumps from the helicopter into the canal and swims over to "Pierre", puts the little guy in his mouth and swims over to a rescue dinghy (AKA paddle boat), gives him some shakes to gets the water out (the canine equivalent of CPR), puts "Pierre" on the stern of the boat and VOILA..."Pierre" is officially rescued. A large crowd gathers on the shore of the canal cheering us on. Of course, they'z wanting some autographs from Yours Truly. (A good opportunity to sell some Clooneymobiles, Quebec is an uncharted territory...) But that's another subject...So back to the matter at hand..."Pierre's" family is ecstatic and his Canine friend is jumping for joy at the return of "Pierre". Entertainment for Canines in Canada is on hand to do a live feed of theese event and award Private Eye Von Ice with the 'Key To The City'. Now I'z a bit jealous because Montreal is very exciting and vibrant and a great place to gets a key to...But I must warn him that theese 'keys' are complex...and it's a challenge to figure out what they belong to...I knows this from experience"...
WELL THAT'S A WRAP FOLKS...STAY TUNED FOR THE INTERVIEW WITH...
"PIERRE DU PORT"

September 5, 2009

SECURITY DIVISION OF CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA DETECTS FELINE SPY...

Cloon was alerted by his security division that Headquarters was being watched...
What follows is a conversation between Cloon and an expert in surveillance and security...

Cloon: Yes, hello. It is imperative that I get some advice from you ASAP...

Private Eye Von Ice: Roger that. What seems to be the problem?

Cloon: Our security has detected a feline spy across the way...

Private Eye: This sounds exciting! Tell me more...

Cloon: Well, one day a feline looking suspiciously similar to "Girlfriend" was caught on security camera staring out the window across the way and spying on our Headquarters...

Private Eye: This is juicy! Go on!...

Cloon: I want to know what measures need to be taken, so I decided to consult with the expert in this area...AKA you the Private Eye.

Private Eye: Thanks for thinking of me, my security work has been a little bit sporadic lately. I've mainly been involved in Elvis impersonation rehearsals with "The Baby". Now, there are some important questions I must ask you. For starters, are there any squirrels involved in this scenario?

Cloon. No, not that I've detected. There's an occasional rabbit, though.

Private Eye: Now, that's what I like to hear... Next question...Do you believe that this feline spy is a clone of "Girlfriend"?

Cloon: Well, that's what we're concerned about...Especially "Girlfriend"... You know how she is... She has been quoted as saying, "Oh, dear...There is someone who looks like me staring back at me. I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this situation"...

Private Eye: Affirmative. This is indeed alarming. Now when have you last spotted the rabbit?

Cloon: Well, what does that have to do with anything? Focus, Private Eye, focus...I need your utmost attention on the real matter at hand.

Private Eye: Uh, yes, roger that. I will need to attend to this matter by inspecting the situation firsthand and securing the premises. Please send your Driver to pick me up. I shall have my disguise and various spy tools ready. Do not fear Cloon. I will get to the bottom of this...And, by the way, please have one of them good T-bone steak bones ready...I know you got them...

Cloon: Will do, Private Eye. Will do.

TO BE CONTINUED...

September 4, 2009

TIM, SECRETARY OF THE "PINK NOSE SOCIETY" RETURNS FROM "WORLD BIRD SANCTUARY" IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
"Girlfriend": Well hello there, my pink-nosed friend!

TIM: Where's the num-nums? I was promised num-nums...

"Girlfriend": Oh, dear... Well, let's conduct this interview first, shall we...That's a nice hat you have there!

TIM: It's my official bird-watching hat. Except for, they got my name wrong...It ain't Stanley...

"Girlfriend": Oh, dear...We'll have to get that attended to. Now, can you please share with the Audience your favorite part of the bird-watching trip?

TIM: Yes. It was the Homing Pigeon Release. You see, my Birthday was missed on the Blog this year and even though I do have "tough fur", my feelings was hurt. So, my Belated Birthday was acknowledged by having homing pigeons released in my honour. Now, this experience was "unforgettable" and I was deeply touched.

"Girlfriend": Wow. That is quite something! We do apologize profusely for forgetting your Birthday here on the Blog. You know we "loves you like our own". And Cloon passes on a "Uh, sorry about that" to you. Now, did you make the bird noises or perform the "silent meow" when the pigeons were released?

TIM: It was so exciting that I did make the bird noises, I must admit.

"Girlfriend": Excellent. What else did you like about the trip?

TIM: I liked the songbird hike and seeing the rare birds and the parrots had very nice colors as well.

"Girlfriend": Now you did present the World Bird Sanctuary with a charitable donation from our "Pink Nose Society", can you tell the Audience about this?

TIM: Yes. I am very proud to say that I presented them with a cheque for $100.

"Girlfriend": You also have some other very exciting news for the Audience, am I correct?

TIM: Yes. I have submitted my application for the Internship Program at the World Bird Sanctuary and am currently waiting to see if I will be accepted.

"Girlfriend": Wow, that is indeed exciting! What kind of duties must you perform if you get accepted as an intern?

TIM: Well it is quite extensive. I will be involved in bird rehabilitation, field identification of birds & documentation of behaviors, public education, interacting with visitors and I must be capable of rigorous outdoor work in all types of weather conditions.

"Girlfriend": That is quite an involved undertaking. Good luck to you and please keep us updated regarding your internship status.

TIM: I will. I must admit I'z quite excited. I check the mailbox on a daily basis.

"Girlfriend": Well Audience that's a wrap. A thank you again to "Feline Vogue" for donating the miniature binoculars to us for the trip.

TIM HEADS INTO THE KITCHEN FOR NUM-NUMS...

August 23, 2009

"B.A.A.D." (BORN AWESOME AND DARING)





















JILTED BY THE "PINK NOSE SOCIETY"
CLOON FORMS HIS OWN CLUB...
"B.A.A.D." (BORN AWESOME AND DARING)


Hello Everyone. I'z taken it upon myself to form my own Club. I,of course, am the Treasurer. Theese "Club" is a good one. It is only for those who are "Born Awesome And Daring". I, of course, fits into theese category and fits both criterias. I'z awesome because I'z the Cloon. (If you needs a reminder of all that this entails, please re-read the Blog.) Now as for the daring part...well I'z really got flair in theese department. I am constantly terrorizing my Human by performing daring stunts, especially in theese new diggs. I walks on skinny, high railings. I jumps at walls and sticks to them likes a suction-cup Garfield, I bites noses, I bites "Girlfriend", I race around corners at a very high speed etc. etc...

Now felines, canines, inanimate objects and other creatures gather around and listen real closely...To gets into my Club, not only do you has to be awesome and daring, you has to get someone to nominates you for the Club. I needs a personal essay from theese someone with proof that you are awesome and daring. Below is an example of a good nomination letter written to me:

Dear Cloon,

I would like to nominate "The Baby" as a member of your Club. He's awesome because he's orange, has little horns, is a great invention, has flair like you, and can impersonate Elvis. He's daring because he sails through the air as fast as the Human hand can throw him, he withstands temperatures of -40 below for days at a time, he gets buried in deep snow and never complains, he dances on the bar in front of crowds, he runs with motorcycle gangs etc. etc...Please accept this nomination and he says he would like to be President of the Club as well.

Yours very truly,

Mr. L

So there you have it folks. My first successful nominee. "The Baby" shall be President. Our first order of affairs will be to do some fundraising in order to raise money for "The Baby's" plastic surgery. He's been looking kind of rough theese days and in order to represent our Club in the media, he will at the very least have to have a chemical facial peel.

If you wish to contribute to this, please feel free to donate using the above button on the left hand side of the Blog.

CLOON EXITS STAGE LEFT DOING THE MOONWALK AND SINGING "YOU KNOW I'M B.A.A.D., I'M B.A.A.D.-YOU KNOW IT"...

August 12, 2009

EAVESDROPPING 101: A SEMINAR BY "GIRLFRIEND"...


EAVESDROPPING 101: A SEMINAR BY "GIRLFRIEND"...50 FELINES ATTENDED A SOLD OUT WEEKEND WORKSHOP ON "EAVESDROPPING ON YOUR HUMAN". They crowded into the new bedroom of "Girlfriend" (still not venturing far in the residential move). What follows is a brief media clip of the event:


"Girlfriend": Does everyone have their Starbucks Beverage? Ok then, let's get started, we have alot of material to cover this afternoon.

1) First of all, I need everyone to assume the correct eavesdropping position (see above photo for details). Ears back and out...Cloon (My helper today) will be making his rounds through the Audience checking for proper technique.

2) Next and this is a VERY IMPORTANT POINT...Whenever you hear your Human's voice in a conversation, stop what you are doing immediately and go sit as close to your Human as possible. Even if you are "under blankie" it is imperative that you come out of hiding and take a position near your Human.

3) When Humans are on the telephone speaking with another, this is an excellent time to get good information. Felines can either go right up to their Human and nestle in or take more of a clandestine position in the same room.

4) When your Human has company over this is another opportune time to get good information. Go and sit between your Human and their guest and put your ears into the correct eavesdropping position.

5) Store all juicy information you eavesdrop on in your memory banks and burn it in real good. You never know when the information will come in handy.

Testimonial from a previous feline attendee: "I observed my Human on the telephone in his office, so I jumped on the desk and laid by the keyboard with my ears in the proper eavesdropping position...That's when I heard the words, 'I'm going to take him to the vet because he is still squinting with his eye.' So, I then used the power of my Third Eye to heal my eye and avoid the vet visit. In my case, this information was priceless. So, I definitely recommend "Girlfriend's" seminar. And it's a good excuse to gets a free Frappuccino as well...
-T.I.M.

FELINES FOR JUST $149 YOU CAN ATTEND A FUTURE SEMINAR OF "GIRLFRIEND'S". "EAVESDROPPING ON YOUR HUMAN" INCLUDES YOUR FAVORITE STARBUCKS BEVERAGE AND SELLS OUT WELL IN ADVANCE, SO BE FOREWARNED...

August 9, 2009


TENSION MOUNTS IN LOCAL STARBUCKS AS CLOON & THE BABY'S HUGE DRIVE THRU ORDER CREATES CHAOS...
What follows is an account of the situation from Customer X (Wishing to remain Anonymous):
"Well, it was a nice sunny day and I decided to head over to my local Starbucks to relax, read the paper and have a good coffee. I walked in and approached the counter, knowing exactly what I wanted to order. I stood there unattended as 3 Baristas with their headsets on scurried about in a frantic manner. Five minutes went by before I was even acknowledged. Then, as a side thought, one of the Baristas took my order for a Vanilla Latte and that's when the chaos really began... I got caught in the middle of one of those 50 drink drive-thru dealies...I glanced over to the drive-thru window and happened to see 'a gray Cat' at the wheel of a blue 4x4 with an orange dog toy with horns on the dashboard...it was then that I knew I was in trouble... and in for an enormous wait for my beverage...Not only did the Cat order 50 beverages...they were all complex specialty drinks with half this and half that...Apparently, there was some sort of special function that they were taking these beverages to, I overheard one of the Baristas say. Not only that, but that Cat had "The Macarena" blaring from the car stereo and that orange toy was yelling "Andale, Andale, Arriba, Arriba!" which apparently translates to Come on! Hurry Up! Can you imagine? The nerve of some customers! So there went my peaceful afternoon at Starbucks...I abandoned my Latte after a half hour wait and left...just as that Cat spun his wheels leaving the drive-thru"...
OH THOSE DRIVE-THRUS...


August 7, 2009

CLOON'S LADYBUG SURFACES FOR RARE INTERVIEW...
"Girlfriend"(From Under Blankie): Well, hello little Ladybug. Welcome to the Blog.
Ladybug: Thank you indeed. This is a very important interview as I do believe that Dog Toys have been disproportionately featured on theese Blog so I am ready to even the playing field a bit.
"Girlfriend": Excellent. Now tell us how you came to know Cloon.
Ladybug: One day I was hanging from a hook on the wall of a pet store and theese Human came by and saw me. She picked me off the wall and commented on how cute I was. She also liked the fact that I was made of natural materials and filled with catnip. I was on a string attached to a bamboo wand and she thought of Cloon immediately as Cloon is definitely a "string man". She took me to the cash register and before I knew it, I was living at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada.
"Girlfriend": Wow, that is touching little story. What was your first meeting with Cloon like?
Ladybug: Well, the little guy went quite wild, what can I say?... He fell in love with me at first sight. He was jumping real high in the air to try to get me and when he succeeded, he held me in his mouth and led his Human around the house by the string. He became very possessive of me and she even heard a little growl come from Cloon as he still held onto me.
"Girlfriend": Yes, I must admit that usually I'm a "babe mousie" kind of girl but I found myself quite jealous of Cloon's new toy...aka you the Ladybug. I came out of hiding and tried to get a piece of the action myself. I also started to jump for the string that was attached to you.
Ladybug: I know. I'm a popular one, what can I say...
"Girlfriend": Can you tell the Audience about today's events?
Ladybug: Well, Cloon was overly excited to see me today when I made my appearance...He grabbed me in his mouth and started to run down the stairs with his Human in tow. Then the string broke and Cloon ran away with me and was looking for a secret place to hide me. His little hunting instinct really kicks in with me...
"Girlfriend": So how is Cloon doing anyway? His fans are wondering when he will surface.
Ladybug: Well, he has been working non-stop with the Assembly Line Elves to get the Clooneymobile production up and running once again. So, I was a little bit of a stress relief for him today.
"Girlfriend": Now, tell me...do you like Cloon?
Ladybug: He's very handsome, he looks like a stuffed animal really...Yes, I have a bit of a crush really...I'm proud to be his favorite Cat Toy.
"Girlfriend": Thank you for coming forward into the public eye and representing Cat Toys... a very important segment of society.
Ladybug: You're most welcome. And I would just like to say to all the Humans out there...do your part and take a Cat Toy home today...

August 6, 2009


O' CLOON WHERE ART THOU?
Blog Followers Miss Stormy, T.I.M., "The Baby" and the "Love Babies" get antsy as Cloon is MIA...
Fans of the Blog await new material and have flooded the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada with emails, letters, silent meows etc. etc...wondering when Cloon will publish a new post... Inquiring felines want to know the nature of Cloon's writer's block and when he will surface again with his antics, stories, interviews, tutorials and seminars.
"GIRLFRIEND"(SECRETARY OF CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA) HAS PREPARED A SHORT PRESS RELEASE TO ADDRESS THIS SITUATION:
"OH DEAR!...I DO APOLOGIZE FOR CLOON'S ABSENCE FROM THE BLOG...HEADQUARTERS HAS BEEN IN THE PROCESS OF RELOCATION THIS PAST TWO WEEKS AND CLOON HAS BEEN INDISPOSED. HE HAS BEEN SCOPING OUT THE NEW BIRD TERRITORY AND IS PLEASED TO PASS ALONG THE INFORMATION TO HIS PUBLIC THAT THERE ARE MANY "CHICKADEES" AND A RABBIT THAT WANDER CLOSE TO HIS VIEWING PLATFORMS. HE HAS BEEN WORKING TO GET THE ASSEMBLY LINE FOR THE CLOONEYMOBILE UP AND RUNNING ONCE AGAIN IN THE NEW HEADQUARTERS. OUR PHONELINES HAVE BEEN BACKED UP AS I HAVE BEEN HIDING "UNDER BLANKIE" BECAUSE I DON'T TAKE RESIDENTIAL MOVES VERY WELL. SLOWLY, I AM VENTURING OUT TO EXPLORE AND RESPOND TO A FEW CALLS AND EMAILS AT A TIME. YOUR PATIENCE IS MOST APPRECIATED DURING THIS TIME OF TRANSITION.
CLOON WILL MAKE HIS REAPPEARANCE ON THE BLOG AS SOON AS THERE IS A GOOD PHOTO OP, IN THE MEANTIME HE SAYS WITH REGARDS TO HIS NEW DIGGS AND HEADQUARTERS THAT "THEESE IS A GOOD ONE!"

July 21, 2009

"GIRLFRIEND" BEGINS INTERWEBS ROMANCE WITH MYSTERIOUS FELINE (Pictured Above) ON "PLENTY OF BIRDIES.COM"...
What follows is a Messenger conversation intercepted by the Interwebs Security Division of Clooney Credit Canada (AKA Cloon)...


Hummingbird ("Girlfriend's Messenger Handle): Oh, dear...I'm rather inexperienced at this...

Seagull (Handle of Mysterious Feline): Don't worry Kitten, I'll take you under my paw...

Hummingbird: Well, on your profile, you said you really liked birdies... Is this true?

Seagull: Absolutely! I likes to sit real still likes a statue and observes them...

Hummingbird: Wow, I've never given that a try... Do you make that "special noise" when you observe them?

Seagull: Well, when I'm in statue position, I only does the "silent meows"...But if I'm just doing a regular observation, I makes the "special noise"...

Hummingbird: Wow, that's fascinating! Do you have lots of windows to observe birdies from?

Seagull: I do in fact. It's a bird-lover's paradise over here... So, what are you wearing right now?

Hummingbird: Oh, dear, I'm not entirely comfortable with that question... Well, my fur coat, I guess...

Seagull: I live for num-nums. Do you have num-nums at your house?

Hummingbird: Yes, we do but I prefer the tuna. If my Human uses a can-opener on anything and I hear that air escaping the can, I come out of hiding...

Seagull: I gots an allergy to tuna. Do you have any kibbles in your bowl right now?

Hummingbird: Yes, I do. We have "free feed" over here at my house.

Seagull: Really? Is that a fact?... I thinks you may be my
soul-mate...When can I move in?

Hummingbird: Oh, dear...we just met...I think we're moving too fast...

Seagull: Come on kitten, live a little, will ya? All we have is today...

Hummingbird: Well, can you send me a better picture of yourself first, that one is a little dark...

Seagull: That's what you get from canine photographers...they'z not very skilled at using the right settings...Ok, I'll see what I can do here...Bye for now, my little Kitten...

Hummingbird: Bye Seagull...

July 17, 2009

CEO OF CLOONEY
CREDIT CANADA
PART 3 of 3-PART SERIES
ON THE ALTER EGOS OF
GEORGE CLOONEY
THE CAT...
Cloon's Human: Happy Birthday Cloon!!!
Cloon: When do I get the Num-Nums?
Cloon's Human: Uh, we have to do this interview first.
Cloon: Right. This is the first interview you've conducted on the blog.
Cloon's Human: Affirmative. Well, it's a very special occasion - your 3rd Birthday, so I decided to come out from behind the scenes. You look very handsome in your new dress shirt.
Cloon: When can I get out of this thing???
Cloon's Human: Very soon. Thanks for being such a great sport. Audience, just so you all know, Cloon never hisses, bites, whines etc. when I dress him up. He's such a good, patient, easy-going feline. (Occasionally, he runs off into his cat tunnel wearing the outfit.) So Cloon, here's the big question...Which alter ego is your favorite?
Cloon: CEO of course. It's a very natural role for me. I'z a businessman at heart.
Cloon's Human: What's the biggest challenge of being CEO of Clooney Credit Canada?
Cloon: Supervising all the Assembly Line Elves...Theese ones can go on strike at any moment...
Cloon's Human: Wow, sounds like lots of pressure. Believe me, I know what it's like to be in Management...How do you deal with the stress?
Cloon: You gives me some good organic catnip, remember?
Cloon's Human: Right. So what is the line-up of events at Headquarters today to celebrate your Birthday?
Cloon: We're shutting down production of the assembly line any minute now and having a party for the rest of the day. Mr. L and "The Baby" and the "Love Babies" are doing a special
A cappella performance for all the staff at Headquarters. It turns out that the "Love Babies" are very talented and have good singing voices and good moves...
Cloon's Human: Well how about that! That will come in handy. Did "Girlfriend" AKA Ms. Tortorovsky wish you a Happy Birthday?
Cloon: I gots groomed earlier today by her.
Cloon's Human: Can I give you a big smooch, you little stuffed animal?...
Cloon: How about a tummy rubs?
Cloon's Human: Deal.
BEFORE ENJOYING HIS BIRTHDAY FESTIVITIES, CLOON GETS INTO POSITION FOR A TUMMY RUB (HE LOVES THEESE ONES) AND THEN HEADS TO THE KITCHEN FOR NUM-NUMS AS PROMISED...
A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OUR BLOG FOLLOWERS...
HAVE A DRINK ON CLOON TODAY... (BUT DON'T LET HIM KNOW I TOLD YOU SO...HE'S RATHER PROTECTIVE OF HIS NUM-NUM FUND)

July 15, 2009



BOMB...
JAMES BOMB....
PART 2 of 3-PART SERIES ON THE ALTER EGOS OF GEORGE CLOONEY THE CAT
(BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND: CLOON IN ARGYLE... AS AGENT CCC 007)
"Girlfriend": Don't you look dashing Cloon.
Cloon: Well, I am James Bomb, so it does go with the territory...
"Girlfriend": So can you tell the Audience what CCC 007 stands for?
Cloon: Clooney Credit Canada 007.
"Girlfriend": Do you have alot of female feline groupies as a 007 Agent?
Cloon: Uh, yes I do...yes I do indeed. Theese ones are called Bomb Girls.
"Girlfriend": Do you like your martinis shaken or stirred?
Cloon: Stirred of course...with my very own paw...
"Girlfriend": Those are pretty cool sunglasses that you got there.
Cloon: Yes. Theese ones have special powers. I communicate directly to Headquarters through them and I can see num-nums from miles away...
"Girlfriend": Wow, that's excellent! Isn't it dangerous being a 007 Agent?
Cloon: Yes it can be, especially because I do all my own stunts.
"Girlfriend": Well you've had some good training for the role as you jump real high and take corners at a fast speed.
Cloon: Indeed.
"Girlfriend": Well thanks for your time Cloon. You must be very busy as a 007 Agent.
Cloon: Correct. My submarine is waiting. I'm off to carouse with my Bomb Girls... and blow some things up.
"Girlfriend": AUDIENCE TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR CLOON'S 3rd BIRTHDAY!

July 13, 2009

FELINE VOGUE PHOTO SHOOT FOR THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY

Feline Vogue magazine visited the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada to photograph "Girlfriend" - President of the Pink Nose Society...

FV: We applaud your efforts for saving the world "one pink nose at a time"...

"Girlfriend": Well thank you very much.

FV: How are your fundraising efforts going?

"Girlfriend": Very well. We surpassed our expectations with Phase 1 of our Fundraising with the Canada Day Dunk Tank Fundraiser.

FV: Can you tell us more about this?

"Girlfriend": Of course. The public admired the bravery of our little feline fan club member who volunteered to be dunked in the tank to raise money for our charity. There was an overwhelming response as felines, canines, and humans alike doled out the cashola to try to dunk this little one. Now alot of theese ones did not have good aim but our little volunteer did see a bit of "water action" when a family of bulldogs came on the scene.

FV: If I may ask, how much money did this event raise for the Pink Nose Society?

"Girlfriend": Well, usually I'm quite secretive about "funds" but this is all for a good cause... We raised $1000.

FV: What do you plan to do with this money?

"Girlfriend": Tim (the Secretary of the Society) and I plan on travelling to "The World Bird Sanctuary" in The United States of America where we will see rare birds and go on a bird-watching hike to identify songbirds. We will also make a charitable donation to this Sanctuary.

FV: That is very philanthropic of you.

"Girlfriend": Well that is part of the mission statement of our Society, to be involved in the conservation of birdies.

FV: Thank you for allowing us into Headquarters for this interview and photo shoot. Cloon was trying to sweet talk us into letting him into the magazine as well, but we only photograph girls. Good luck with your work with the Pink Nose Society. We will be donating 2 pairs of miniature binoculars to you for your bird-watching trip.

"Girlfriend": Wow, that is fantastic! Thanks for your publicity of our most important Society.

ANY MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC WISHING TO DONATE TO THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY PLEASE EMAIL THE PINK NOSE SOCIETY C/O clooneycreditcanada@gmail.com

July 11, 2009


"BOMBS DE LA RENTA"- ONE OF THE MANY ALTER EGOS OF GEORGE CLOONEY THE CAT - AKA "CLOON" (PART 1 OF A 3-PART SERIES)
"Girlfriend": Thanks for agreeing to this interview Cloon. Can you tell us the central characteristic of being "Bombs De La Renta"?
Cloon: I'm bad, real BAD....
"Girlfriend": Can you give us some specific details please?
Cloon: Well for starters, I'm obsessed with num-nums (in case that hasn't been clear to the Audience so far). Now the thing is I'll stop at nothing to get my Human to give me num-nums. To begin with I start a high-pitched chirp at the wee hours of the morn. If this doesn't get me attention, I start jumping onto high surfaces and moving the paintings on the walls back and forth in a swaying motion. Theese one is usually a good one to get some action going. If, however, my Human still does not respond, I chew metal and wood objects with my little teeth. If theese does not work, I run around like a madman, scurrying around the corners on the hardwood, crying and running through my cat tunnel which makes a "crinkly" noise. If there is still no action, I pull out all the stops and pull my Human's hair real hard at the roots or bite her nose, or a combination of both.
"Girlfriend": Wow, that is real BAD! How do you get away with this?
Cloon: I look like a stuffed animal so she ends up going easy on me.
"Girlfriend": What else makes up "The Bombs"?
Cloon: I like to box with my feline companion. Sometimes I bite her real hard and chase her.
"Girlfriend": But I always clean your clock, don't I?
Cloon: No comment.
"Girlfriend": Is there anything else you'd like us to know about "Bombs De La Renta"?
Cloon: I'm gangsta. I have a side business called "Cement Shoes".
"Girlfriend": Enlighten us, will ya?
Cloon: Well it goes like theese...Say you have theese person you know that hasn't been that nice to you. Well, I gets the shoe size of theese person and makes cement shoes for them. Then I invites them for a picnic down by the river. I asks them to try on the cement shoes. Then I takes a little walk with them along the river. Then I tells them to get a bit closer to the river bank. Then they "accidentally" falls in with their "cement shoes". And voila!...problem solved.
"Girlfriend": Now That's Buck!
Cloon: Well what can I say? That's how I roll...
"Girlfriend": Thanks for your time Cloon. I know you are a busy feline. AUDIENCE, PLEASE TUNE IN FOR THE NEXT PART IN CLOON'S SERIES...
Cloon: Peace out, Homie...


July 8, 2009

CLOON MOONLIGHTS AS SECURITY GUARD
FOR MS. TORTOROVSKY'S NEW ART EXHIBIT
Hello my fine little art enthusiasts! Since I am still on my campaign to get a Budgie, I decided to take a night job guarding the Buddha giclee, Ms. Tortorovsky's newest work of art. I need to get serious about saving my money for a Budgie cage, theese ones are expensive. I've eyed a few nice models which give Budgies lots of room to play and move around. I rather enjoy theese new position of authority. Ready, everyone for...

CLOON'S TOP 5 REASONS TO WORK THE NIGHT SHIFT:

5) I'Z NOCTURNAL SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET PAID FOR IT

4) I MULTITASK SO I GUARDS THE EXHIBIT AND WATCH MY HUMAN SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME

3) I WORKS BY MYSELF AND DON'T HAS TO SUPERVISE ELVES

2) I LIKES TO STARE AT THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

AND CLOON'S TOP REASON IS...

1) I GETS A PAID NUM-NUMS BREAK AT 3 AM